Today, I went back to school after a week of not going because of the heatwave that rattled France.
I feel so tired, my legs are barely supporting me, my arms feel weak and my neck struggles to keep my head in place.
So, I got to school, working in the lab. First thing was that it was quite packed, I don't know why but there were a lot of people. I was the only one of my group here today, so I felt a bit lonely. Thankfully there was a friend of mine, M, and his two teammate (we are doing a project in teams of 3 to 5 people. I'm in a team of 3 and my friend M is in another).
My friend and his teammate have merged into the social group of the lab, they're starting to know each other well and it just makes me sad that I can't bring myself to socialise. I envy them, it makes me feel sad to be alone and on the outskirts of the lab's social group and at the same time, I just don't have the energy, nor would I feel comfortable going to the bar with them as I don't like drinking much and just feel crippled by my anxiety and my social awkwardness.
It breaks my heart to see I just can't manage to fit in, and it's partly because
I don't have spare energy to spend in this. Every ounce of it goes into getting
by each day.
:(